life and death and separation and love

last year i officially lost two friends,
left me devastated equally.

last year i lost two friends,
both played a different role in my life.

last year two men have left me,
two of the few whom i had hold closely to my heart and soul.

last year two of my friends and i gone our separate ways,
the friends who i loved most and most

last year,
ive gone from having two men to none.

last year ive lost two friends,
one caused by death,
and one caused by life.

part 1
Death

you never thought you can actually witness death,
or knew the death of someone closed to you while youre alive.
somehow we grasp it as if it is just a tale,
always someone's story, news, television, movies, but never our story.
never.

but again, it happened. but this time "death's happen".
didnt ask for it,
didnt give you any warning,
it just happen, and took my dearest one.

i cried, i cried, i hiked and cried some more.

part 2
Life

you never thought you can actually lose someone when they're still alive all healthy,
let alone someone like your best person.
somehow all that 'grown-up' bullshit is just a bullshit.
always someone's story in someone's book, television, movies, but never our story.
never.

but yes, it happened, and this time accurately "life's happen".
didnt ask for it,
didnt give any warning when i first jumped in,
it just happen, and have taken away my dearest one.

i cried, i cried, i went away and i cried some more.

and after all debacles,
you see..
llife and death not that much of a difference yet it is so much different than the others.

im no expert

the title is pretty self explanatory,

but lets bring this to a hypothetical situation.
what if people are humble enough that no matter how an expert they are, they will say to themselves that "im no expert".
wouldnt we be in such a very very harmonious place?

but hey, im not one should complain or can complain.
i certainly not one that can change people's way of thinking or behavior.
im just an acute observer, i observe way too intensely and way too often.
and it sickens me most of the time.
the behavior and the results of these observations.

my observations usually involves things/people surrounds me.
and that is a good thing and a bad thing. mostly just bad.
cause as i said the result sometimes troubled me and on the other hand,
people that i observed just being people, human, and themselves who feels experts on what they're being and doing without necessarily being experts on their beings and doings.

mothers..
feeling experts at being mothers,
preachers..
talking right and wrong, sins and what not, like the god talks to him daily on the phone,
aunties..
giving wise talks like they cant be wrong,
fathers..
being completely oblivious about his surroundings,
friends..
feeling experts on being a good friends,
teenagers..
feeling the most alone in the world,
daughters..
being the most hypocrite children of all time,
and so on

you know there is no such thing as expertise there are just specialist,
no expertise on mothering, fathering, daughtering, brothering, sistering, it is all depend on you, how you deal, whats your techniques, what your view, no right or wrong here. it just which is suited the best.


but hey..
im no expert.