12.06.2010

dimana?

where?
i look for you too long
i've looked for you everywhere
you're no where to find

where?
i've been looking forever
i've looked in the closet, every drawers, mu pockets, the washing machine, the toy box
i've looked under my bed, your bed, the sink, the car, the chair
i've looked for you behind the tv, tables, walls, doors, the fridge
you're nowhere to find

where?

9.05.2010

it's just a tip of an iceberg

you're on top, then it makes you are higher than us, people.
average people.
you're on top now, you're smelling the air, you're touching the sky, you feel the heavinly grass on your bear feet, you feel the breeze goes through your cheeks, it's fresh, it's new.
you're on top now, which makes you very high.
you're lying on the ground, closing your eyes, covering up your ears, the grass are slightly running through your fingers, you're leaving at the moment, you're fresh, you're new.
you're not aware what is happening down there, below you. you're blinded, not seeing what is really going on outside, you've built a shield.
that shield makes you float, yet cannot be touched. you're there on top, higher than us, floating.
you're on top, and you're screaming loudly at my ears and or maybe to the world.
yes, i get it. you're on it now, higher than me, higher than any of us.
i do get it, you're on top now, and i do understand how and why. you dont need to scream more and louder, cause i do get it.
you're unusuall, you're screaming and i wont waste my energy to talk, so it makes me a listener.
i do my job, i listened to every scream.
im your audience,
and you're making a huge cookie that couldnt even fit in your own mouth.
now,
you hand me a rope, just to tied my tounge,
so i tied it. with your help.
then you run towards the light, feeling the joy, feeling the pleasure, feeling secure.
and down there is just the opposite, but you wont come down yet.
im starting to choke,
you've been feeding me the giant cookie you've made,
it makes me feel sick.
but you couldnt careless.

so..
youre on the very top now,
you feel like you're watching everything below you, knowing everything down there..
you feel..
the fact is that you're not..
not everything, you missed some, not everyone, you missed some.
then, you're still holding the ground, you're still on top of everything,
so let say, you're watching some, knowing some..
you're playing god in that little scheme.
that little scheme, is a little freakshow. you're playing god...
and oh im overwhelmed.
you're playing god, you think you're listening to everything, you're being fair, and give a good balance of justice..
you think..
no, you missed some.
you're way up there, forgetting the solid ground, forgetting that at some point you have to come down, back here.

and what it is for me is there, watching you being overjoyed by the bliss of being that far high, you smell it all, you're touching everything, grabbing, feels everything running againts your skin.

ive dived deep, into the water, climbed from the very bottom of it.
and yes,
you're on top of an iceberg, without knowing what is there at the bottom,
down deep, there is me, watching you go higher.
i should warn you, you might end up here..
but i wont,
because you're on top in a shield covered everything, and playing god.

dont scream, i get it.
dont scream, i'll already know.




8.13.2010

ooo send me to heaven

life is amazing, why should i be worried?

have i lost some friends along the way?
yes, but the new ones also come along.

have i been cheated?
yes, but i too get the chances to cheat.

have i been hurted so bad and cant get out of the sweat pants in weeks?
yes, but i've learned a lesson from that.

have i been betrayed?
yes, and from that i know what kind of person i wouldnt be.

have i dissapointed at many things?
yes, but life isnt always work the way we want. And to be fair i too, have dissapointed someone along the way.

have i feel being lefout among the familiar faces?
yes, but that is what make my heart grow stronger

have i feel that i made so many mistakes?
yes, and life is going forward so do i, just try not to make the same mistake.

have i been left by someone?
yes, but those who come they would leave

have i been distroyed by someone or something?
yes, but with strength i managed to get up and take a breath again.

have i ever blame myself for what goes wrong?
yes, but then i learned to forgive myself in time

have i ever been so selfish that i couldnt even forgive myself?
yes, but then i learn to be selfless and realized that nothing revolves around me.

have i gone to the dark place?

yes, and im still trying to get out of it.

aquarium

beraktifitas biasa,
berkomunikasi, berjalan, mengisi perut, dan menjalakan kewajiban.

melakukan kegiatan seperti biasa..
tidak ada beda..

dengar kabar gembira diluar sana,
tersenyum,
dibalik lapisan kaca,
kaca yang membendung, memisahkan dunia.

laluu..

kabar itu datang,
sesak dan gemuruh..
berkabung..
lama..

namun nasib,
hidup didunia berbeda, dibatasi oleh lapisan kaca.
mana ada yang dengar, mana ada yang lihat..

tidak bisa berekpresi, tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa.
aku ingin peluk! ingin ada disana, temani yang sedang berduka.
perih!

gerakkan dan suaraku terbatasi oleh lapisan kaca.
didalam aquarium bervolume besar.
hanya dapat menerima dan melihat.
tidak bisa berbuat.

karena aku tidak sampai melompat.
aku berkabung didalam.

(semoga Dwi Siti Aisyah dan keluarga diberikan ketabahan dan kesabaran)

7.22.2010

borgol

kini semua kena tilang karena uang,
diborgol lah tangan tangan itu kedalam penjara yang memberi mereka makan.
diperas lah mereka hingga larut malam.
komunikasi pun ditiadakan.

kini semua kena tilang karena uang,
ditahan lah mereka oleh mereka yang ingin beriklan,
diharuskan lah mereka mencari kata-kata hingga si bos senang
komunikasi pun hilang

kini semua kena tilang karena uang,
demi reputasi dan jabatan,
disodorkan lah keinginan-keinginan yang harus divisualkan,
komunikasi pun melebur

kini semua kena tilang karena uang,
dijebloskanlah mereka ke dalam ruangan,
berembuklah mereka mencari ide cemerlang,
hingga hari ini tidak lagi ada kata pulang,

kini sudah pukul dua dini hari,
mereka masih ditahan untuk memperkaya diri mereka dan yang memberi mereka makan.

kini semua kena tilang demi uang,
harus begitu..

sebelum mereka yang menilang orang untuk memberi mereka makan

6.20.2010

choke

i choked on remembering the memories,
every second of it.
im not being ungratefull, but this is..
hollow.
just that.

i choked so hard when i realized it's been so long..
i trapped my self in those 3 years.

i blame my self, not everyone.

i choked on dust and cigarettes.
i choked when i drank a fine wine.

hollow.

i dont know who could i leaned to,
and then i choked again.

i choked when everyone wasnt there and was there.
and then i stop.

and i begun to choked again when i breath the same air as you.
since then i never stop.