That Time

So it's down time again.
I remember the last time I had it.
It was excruciating.
It was like a thunderbolts attacking the core of the body.
I was electrocuted.
The high volts charged me back to life.
Then it began..
The slow stabbing. It was so slow i could feel how many inches has gone through.
I'm never sure whether it was a knife, a thin sharp dagger, or a thin pointy ice.
What i sure about it was the feel of it. It was cold, cold, and cold.
The salt water was always the final touch.
Salt water and an wide open flesh. Well, you know the rest.

I always do tests to know if it's healed.
It never were. Though there were times i thought it did.
And there were times my surrounding tricked me.
It doesn't matter, cause it never did.

It's that time again.
Where i take my feet to step down the ladder, one by one.
Right-left-right-left-right-left. Again.
People have tried to hide the ladder, but i always manage to find it.
I know what's down there, i visit it from time to time. Unintentionally. Sure.
Now I think, I think, I would have to go down there again.
This time by choice. I chose cause i have no choice.
I'm scared, scared, scared because it's a one scary place.
Now i have to climb down. I only have to climb down cause I climbed up.
I have to land. I have to land only because I took off.